On The Weirdness of European Billboards

I'm imagining the creative meeting in which this ad was created:
I'm picturing the week after fourth of July, three strung-out American creatives and one burned-out account executive, in Amsterdam, meeting with the still-not-sober Client Rep wondering if he's really about to lose his job, or if his boss might actually be pregnant from the night before. They all have the requisite degree of Attention Deficit Whatever needed to get and keep a job in global advertising...

Creative Type One: The billboard shows two bottles, talking not so much to each other as at the viewer. One says "Touch me" while the other says, "U Can't Touch This." It's like, "The Doors meets MC Hammer."
Creative Type Two (who has a crush on One) "Yeah, the 60's meets the 90's, it's like this beer cures the generation gap!"
Creative Type Three (who is either a different gender or different sexual orientation from the first two): Dude, it'll be like boy meets girl, or straight meets gay, or metal meets glass, it's totally multicultural!"
Account Executive: "Does the logo show up in bold face font with the red star icon facing prominently toward the viewer?'
Client rep: "Jah, vee must have duplication of the logo, and then triplication in the lower right hand corner."
All the ad team together: "No problem, done. Next?"

They wring hands and agree, but then the question of photography comes up...

Creative Type One: "Well, I think it would be nice to have a boy and a girl holding the bottles, of different races, and maybe for variety have the girl be the tall one holding the short can, and the boy be the short one holding the tall bottle. He obviously has venus envy, so we make it a sort of gender-bender thing too!"
Creative Type Two (the one with the crush): "That is so genius, like it's all about the sex, and since the bottle is obviously meant to be, you know, 'touched' then the viewer gets these subliminal sexual urges..."
Creative Type Three: "Good point, everyone knows that green bottled beer is as much or more of an aphrodisiac as green M&M's."
Account Executive: "Does the red star signify the nationalist or socialist worker's movement enough? We want the product to signify the fetishism of communist commodities in a capitalist world."
Client Rep: "We'll need the red star to be triplicated too, like it's the new holy trinity. By the way, the ad is running in Italian-speaking Switzerland, why is it in English?"

Creative Type One: "It's not in English. It's in pop music lyrics, or PML, which is a universal language thanks to corporate ownership of global radio stations. Everyone, whether their mother tongue is Farsi or Cantonese, knows these lyrics."
Creative Type Two (with the crush): "Yeah, did you know I've got the whole Madonna song 'Like A Prayer' memorized?"
Creative Type Three (under s/his breath): "That's probably all you've got memorized."
Account Executive: "So really this is not an ad for beer, it's a supplemental ad for our radio stations, which have even more Heineken ads running, and these are of course in the local dialect of the target markets."
Client Rep: "Exactly. Vee control all European radio stations, club events, and weekend parties. The purpose of the ad is really not even to promote radio, but to promote the ancient crap we keep replaying every Saturday night. Why do you think Europe only listens to late 80's techno? It's because it's the most mindless banal drivel, the best vehicle for implanting consumer desire is amidst a cacophony of conflicting messages."

Creative Team, all together: "So what about the tagline. Are we keeping the old "It's All About The Beer"? or are we changing it?"
Account Executive: "The client wants a fresher approach."
Client rep: "Jah, someding more generational, relational, und a bit more of dee crazy Internet talk. Like it's not so much a tagline as an IM sign-off."
Creative Type One: "Bingo: Meet you there."
Creative Type Two (you know the one): "It's so multi-meaning!"
Creative Type Three: "She means it's a double entendre."
Account Exectuive: "Great, what's for lunch?"
Client Rep: "I'm late for my six-week vacation. I'll be back in mid-September!"

In the end, the product is shot with two six-figure-a-day professional runway models, hair done by Modo, shoes by Prado, make-up by Dodo, and lighting by Boulo. The graphic designer, a French existentialist running a PC 486, decides against la specificite des personnes and opts instead for a bleak train-station-esque background, in which the absence of signifiers represents the significance of future movement and possibility, something the American creative types pretend to understand. He exudes so much je ne sais quois from his receding hairline that they simply submit to his genius in humbled obeisance, and wonder if his black turtleneck is pure merino wool or rather that new alpaca blend with the polysynthetic underlayer. The Americans spend six weeks in Photoshop removing the perfectly photographed beer bottles from the models' hands and inserting them against his bleak background (itself a picture of a deserted train station he took in sixth grade, after his dog died), and THIS is the reason that the tall glass bottle (the one on the right, my friends) is slightly off center and the word "Heineken" is not entirely readable, causing the Client Rep, in fact, to lose his job to a blonde from Norway who defines "rebellious" in her application packet as, "I like to drink Carlsberg on Fridays and Tuborg on Saturdays."